Sir Reginald Bottomtalker's incredibly true and accurate internet encyclowpaadia of world history: Part 0 The End of the world

The end of the world came in 20million BC, time being circular though put’s it somewhere in our future tense. It was of course caused by all the standard formulas, overpopulation, pollution, nuclear war and extra-terrestrial invasion by lizard people (who latter colonized the planet and became what is known to us now as “dinosaurs”).

The end of the world was of course predicted by several reputable sources, all of them got the general idea right, but the dates wrong. The most accurate prediction came from a cartoon television series called “The Flintstones” . This series movingly documented the final chapters of human existence, during humanities enslavement under the lizard people. Although the producer never managed to get his final episode “Barney and the day of blood” aired on national TV.

Religious texts often covered the topic of doomsday. In the Book of revelations, god reveals to a sandal clad hippie, that the earth is to be destroyed by fire. Many interpret this to mean nuclear war, however the correct interpretation was that Mrs Mavis McCloud (a cleaner at NASA) would flick the butt of her cigarette onto an essential piece of computer equipment, shorting it out, and thusly ruining the space program intended to redirect the impending impact of a deadly ice-comet. Well done Mavis.

Sir Reginald Bottomtalker's incredibly true and accurate internet encyclowpaadia of world history: Part IV The conflict of Ireland

The Irish are a proud people, they take particular pride in their tiny boats which the locals call coroughs. These are built from hollowed out ostrich eggs, the ostrich being a major pest in Ireland after having been introduced to the country in 1733 by Christopher Columbus (the well known pianist). Sadly in modern time’s civil war has cruelly divided the Irish people.

The Irish conflict began in 1632 when the English forcibly took the northern area of Ireland and tried to impose their native religion of Buddhism on the local peoples. English Buddhists were labelled by the Irish as "orange men" due to the orange serongs worn by their monks. Conflicts escalated when the English attempted to force the Irish to farm rice  (The English of course valuing rice highly for use in their national dish the "Rice-pudding") By 1700 20% of the Irish emigrated to America, lured by dreams of hosting evening variety shows and working for the ever expanding NYPD. It was from this land of opportunity that the saviour of Ireland would come.

It was not until the late 90s "Bono the saviour of Ireland" set foot on the green Iles. Bono, born a humble sheep farmer in New York, was said to be 7ft tall and could kill a man with one blow. It is said that as soon as Bono got off the boat to Ireland all the snakes in the land immediately threw themselves into the sea, repulsed by the sheer stink that he emitted.

In 1995 during one of the fiercest battles between the native Irish and the Kung-fu orange men of the North, Bono stepped into the fray and produced a magical Lyre. Striking his Lyre Bono sang a song so beautiful and moving that all combatants were instantly struck down by overwhelming feelings of love. After the major conflict of 1995, peace ruled in Ireland. All following conflicts were much smaller in scale and were in most part about which version of the U2 record "Achtung Baby" was best (the extended or the orchestral remix).